Holiday Break

Seasons Greetings!

We would like to let everyone know we will be taking a break over the holidays. The meetings on December 21, December 28, and January 4 are canceled. Our support meetings will start again in the new year on January 11, 2015. We look forward to catching up with everyone again then. In the meantime, you can still stay in touch on our Facebook group and on Twitter.

We’d like to take the opportunity to thank everyone who has supported us the past year, all our members and friends of GimpGirl. We are very proud of our community.

We’d now like to ask you, what is your highlight from 2014? What achievements are you most proud of? Do you have any new year resolutions for 2015? Let us know in the comments below!

Oh, Your Shelter Isn’t Accessible? – And Other Reasons Women with Disabilities Experiencing Violence Cannot or Do Not Seek Help.

This article was written by attorney and advocate Stephanie Woodward. It was originally posted on her blog Ms. Wheelchair Florida 2014 on July 23, 2014. It has been reposted here with her permission.

 


In my last post I wrote about how society’s treatment of women and girls with disabilities can contribute to the domestic violence we experience. Essentially, when you treat us like we’re a burden or like we’re worth less than other women, we start to believe it ourselves. I wrote about this to raise awareness about not only domestic violence against women with disabilities, but also to raise awareness of how society views and treats women with disabilities.

Many women and men with disabilities lauded my post and thanked me for finally talking about this issue. Many women and men without disabilities thanked me for bringing this issue to their attention and truly reflected on their actions and how they could help make a change in how society treats women with disabilities. Unfortunately, some people took this as an opportunity to question and challenge both the domestic violence women with disabilities experience and the societal treatment of women with disabilities. They demanded evidence of the domestic violence rates for women with disabilities and proclaimed that it’s not just women with disabilities that experience such violence.

Well, duh. Obviously others experience this violence, but the point is that women with disabilities experience it at much higher rates. If you want evidence, go to google. The statistics and facts I give you are not from secret sources. They’re from the DOJ, they’re from national and international organizations that spend large parts of their budgets doing research on this issue, and they’re from real women who experience the abuse.

The point is women with disabilities experience much higher rates of violence (Want proof? Check out the DOJ’s Bureau of Justice Statistics that show in 2011 women with disabilities were THREE TIMES as likely to be victims of violent crimes than women without disabilities).

There are many reasons that women with disabilities who experience violence don’t seek help. Sometimes there are physical or systematic barriers that prevent a person from seeking help. Sometimes it’s societal issues, like the self-esteem issue I wrote about last time.

I chose to write about the self-esteem problem last time because that is what I know best. I feel that before articulating stories about other women I needed to share my own, after all, my story is mine to tell. The experiences that other women have gone through are not my own, therefore they are not my stories to tell. However, in order to end violence against women with disabilities, society needs to learn about the problem. We can’t stop a problem that we don’t know exists.

For this reason I am providing you a list of why some women with different disabilities cannot or do not seek help. This list is by no means comprehensive. The examples I have included are real examples from real women who experienced real abuse. I have not included their names or any other identifying information.

Poverty

Many women with disabilities have fewer economic resources, thereby increasing their inability to seek help. Poverty is a factor that prevents many people without disabilities from seeking help. For women with disabilities, it’s a bit different.

Imagine you are a woman living in poverty and you are being abused.  You may not seek help because you fear that you will not be able to afford your own home, food, transportation, and other living expenses without your abusers financial assistance. You may have kids too. How will you be able to support them as well? These are real concerns that people with and without disabilities face.

With disability it goes a step further. Imagine you are a wheelchair user. You live in a rural area with no bus stop in your area. No paratransit either. You certainly don’t have a wheelchair accessible van because those things are ridiculously expensive and you can barely afford to pay your rent. How will you get out of your house to go to a shelter or any other place to seek help? Accessible taxi? Ha. They’re still fighting like hell to get accessible taxis in NYC, they certainly don’t have them in your neighborhood.

Fear

All people who experience abuse struggle to leave because of fear. Every person is different and fears different things, but people with disabilities have fears that people without disabilities don’t usually even think of.

Fear of losing assistance or being institutionalized

Say you’re a person with a disability that requires assistance from a personal care attendant, but your attendant is abusing you. Your attendant started off fine, helped you shower and get dressed, but eventually she became controlling. She started becoming more aggressive when helping you shower and dress. Then she started hitting you when you took too long to put your pants on. A few times when she got really angry she would put her cigarettes out on your legs. You want the abuse to stop, but if you report your attendant then you won’t have anyone to help you shower and get dressed every day. How will you get out of bed in the morning? If you go without an attendant for too long, insurance will deem that it is “unsafe” for you to live in the community without support so you will be sent to an institution. An institution where you lay in bed all day, eat whatever gross food they put in front of you, never go outside, and possibly experience more abuse. What do you do?

Fear that you will get in trouble

Now let’s say you’re a person with an intellectual disability. You live in a group home and one of the employees is sexually abusing you. You know what is happening is wrong, but when the employee touches you sometimes it feels good to you. You’re afraid to tell because you know what is happening is wrong, but you think you might get in trouble because it felt good to you. So you don’t tell because you don’t want to get in trouble.

Fear of Not being Believed

What if you’re a woman with a mental health disability? Maybe you have anxiety or depression or a personality disorder or maybe PTSD. You are being abused by your partner or your parent or someone else close to you. You want to tell someone about the abuse, but you fear no one will believe you because everything thinks you’re “crazy” already.

Fear of Further Abuse

You’re a woman with a disability that lives in the community and your attendant is abusing you. She hits you occasionally when she gets angry, she leaves you sitting in the same position for hours which causes you to get bedsores that become infected, and sometimes she thinks it’s funny to refuse to help you with your toileting needs and you end up sitting in your own feces for hours. If you tell someone, maybe your attendant will find out and make things even worse on you. Right now she only hits you sometimes and neglects you, but if you tell she might start hitting you more or worse. Maybe it’s better if you just suck it up and don’t tell anyone so things don’t get worse.

Inaccessibility

Physical Inaccessibility of Shelters

You use a wheelchair and your husband is beating the crap out of you all the time. You’re fed up. You know you shouldn’t have to take this. You find a way to get to your local women’s shelter to seek help when your husband is out of town for the weekend. You get to the front door of the shelter and you only see stairs. You can’t get in. So you call the shelter while you sit outside, staring at the steps that are preventing you from seeking help. They come out and agree to carry you and your chair inside. It’s humiliating, but you take it because it’s your only way to get away from the abuse. Once you’re inside you try to go into an office to talk to an employee, but the doorway is too small and you can’t get in. They come out and you meet in another area and then show you around the shelter. You try to get in the bathroom, but it’s completely inaccessible. The bed is so low that you can’t independently transfer yourself from your chair to the bed. So you can’t sleep there or go to the bathroom there or even get in and out of the door without others carrying you, how could you possibly stay?

Programatic/Systematic Inaccessibility of Shelters

You have multiple sclerosis. It’s hard for you to walk, but you make it to the shelter and decide you want to stay there to get away from your abusive partner. The shelter says you can stay but has a no narcotics rule. You take prescribed narcotics to treat the extreme pain you experience from your MS. They refuse to make a reasonable modification to their rules for you. So you can get away from abusive partner or you can treat your MS, but not both.

Inaccessible information

You’re blind and your boyfriend is verbally and physically abusive as well as completely controlling. He does not let you have a phone and sometimes he doesn’t even let you go to class. On a day he does allow you to go to school, you talk about domestic violence in one of your classes and different options victims have to seek help but you can’t read any of the handouts. You want to seek help from a shelter, so you skip your next class to go to the school library to google your local shelter before your boyfriend comes to pick you up. Unfortunately the website isn’t accessible so the screen reader can’t read any of the information. You don’t exactly want to ask the librarian to read the information to you either. Why is it so hard for you to seek help?

Communication Barriers

You’re Deaf and you use TTY to call your local shelter. When the person at the shelter answers, they don’t want to deal with TTY communication, so they hang up. You’re upset because you feel rejected when it took you so much courage to finally seek help, but you won’t give up. The next day you go to the shelter for help, but they refuse to get an interpreter so you can communicate with them. You demand an interpreter because you know your rights. You tell them the ADA requires them to provide an interpreter as an accommodation. They finally agree to provide an interpreter during meetings and therapy, but for the other 22 hours of the day you have no access to communication with others. No one else in the shelter knows sign language. You feel so isolated and alone. Maybe it’s better to go back to your partner. After all, he knows sign language. He communicates with you. And he doesn’t always hurt you. Maybe if you go back things will get better? At least you know you won’t be so alone.

Or maybe you have a speech disability. Your speech is difficult for others to understand and often people need to ask you to repeat yourself multiple times in order to get what you’re saying. You don’t mind repeating yourself but most people don’t have the patience to listen to you. Your attendant understands your speech, but your attendant is the one who abuses you. You try to tell others when your attendant is around, but everyone just smiles and nods, pretending to understand you. Will anyone ever listen?

Of course, what if you’re completely nonverbal?

Lack of Understanding

You Don’t Understand That You’re Experiencing Abuse

You have an intellectual disability. Your mom hugs you and kisses and feeds you, but she also yells at you, hits you, and controls everything you do. You know your mom loves you and you don’t like when she hits you and yells at you, but she tells you that she has to yell at you and hit you because you’re a bad girl and she needs to teach you a lesson. You don’t understand that she is being abusive, so you never seek help.

You Don’t Realize Specific Actions Are Abusive

Your husband loves you and he would never hit you. He’s never laid a hand on you. But, sometimes when he’s mad he refuses to let you have your wheelchair. He takes it away from you so you can’t reach it. You end up lying in bed for days sometimes – laying in your own urine because you can’t get to the bathroom. Sometimes you get bed sores from laying so much and twice the bedsores have gotten infected causing you to be hospitalized for days. But that’s not really abuse, right? He loves you. He’s usually very good to you, he just gets frustrated sometimes. It seems like an insult to women who experience real abuse to say that this is abuse. It’s fine.

 


For additional information, please see our article Domestic Violence Support For Women with Disabilities.

#yesallwomen Includes Women with Disabilities

 

This article was written by attorney and advocate Stephanie Woodward. It was originally posted on her blog Ms. Wheelchair Florida 2014 on May 29, 2014. It has been reposted here with her permission.


 

Domestic violence, sexual assault, and rape culture have been getting a lot of attention lately, especially with the #yesallwomen hashtag that has gained some serious momentum. I’m glad that this is on society’s radar right now, because as an advocate for ending domestic violence and rape culture, this is something that is on my mind every day.

Also, as a woman this is something that is on my mind every day. Every day I take steps to protect myself from sexual assault that most men never even think of. Every day I deal with statements and actions that perpetuate rape culture.

So yes, as a woman and an advocate I am glad.

But as a woman with a disability and an advocate for ending domestic violence against women with disabilities, I am disappointed.

I’m disappointed because these conversations about ending the violence, stopping the assaults, empowering women, and all that jazz never include women with disabilities.

This is a huge problem.

Why?

Well, for many reasons, but here’s just a few:

  • Women with disabilities are at least twice as likely to be victims of domestic violence and sexual assault than women without disabilities.
  • Women with disabilities experience abuse that lasts longer and is more intense than women without disabilities.
  • Women with disabilities are less likely to report domestic violence or sexual assault. Approximately 70% – 85% of abuse against people with disabilities goes unreported.
  • Studies estimate that 80% of women with disabilities have been sexually assaulted.
  • One study showed that 47% of sexually abused women with disabilities reported assaults on more than ten occasions.
  • Another study found that only 5% of reported crimes against people with disabilities were prosecuted, compared to 70% for serious crimes committed against people with no disabilities.
  • Women with disabilities are often perceived to be weak, unwanted or asexual, making us more vulnerable to sexual violence.
  • Some attackers have stated that they considered it a “favor” to rape and/or sexually assault women and girls with disabilities because they thought no one else would have sex with us, that we could not have sex otherwise, or they didn’t even view us as human beings.
  • Abuse has a more severe negative effect on the self-esteem of women with physical disabilities than those without disabilities.
  • Many women with disabilities have fewer economic resources, thereby increasing the risk of abuse.
  • Women with disabilities face limited options for escaping abusive situations and accessing battered women’s programs.
  • Women with disabilities are women too. Our voices, our thoughts, our bodies, and our lives matter.

I could keep continuing to list facts for you, but I’d be here all night. No, I’d be here for years. The point is that women with disabilities are women. We are human. We are sexual beings. And we are experiencing domestic violence and sexual assault and we’re experiencing it at much higher rates than any other population.

But nobody is talking about us. Nobody is talking with us.

Problems don’t get fixed if nobody knows the problem exists. By not taking a stand against the violence that women with disabilities face, we are essentially ignoring it.

No, we’re doing more than ignoring it. We are endorsing it.

When women without disabilities don’t step up to talk about and try to stop the abuse that women with disabilities face, they are endorsing that abuse. Just like when men don’t step up to talk about and try to stop rape culture, they are endorsing rape culture.

Just like rape and domestic violence isn’t a women’s problem, rape and domestic violence against women with disabilities isn’t just a problem for women with disabilities. These are both societal problems. Society needs to fix them. Men and women – with and without disabilities – need to work together on these issues.

So let’s start talking about domestic violence and sexual assault against women with disabilities because #yesallwomen includes women with disabilities.

Going to College with a Disability

 

by Eva Sweeney, Hannah Langlie, Julie McGinnity and GimpGirl Community

Transitioning from adolescence to college (or university) life is scary at times for most students. However, being a college student with a disability definitely comes with its own unique challenges. This article explores many of the common pitfalls experienced by students, and how individuals successfully addressed these barriers.

Although high schools in some countries (such as the United States) are required to assist young adults with disabilities transitioning to a successful adulthood, many of these programs aren’t designed for a transition to college. These programs are often built around the false assumptions that disabled students are not going to attend college, or have aspirations beyond menial jobs and living at home (or in a group home). These programs are also staffed by adult, able-bodied professionals who do not have first-hand experience with living as a disabled person, and role models who have experience are rarely introduced.

As a high school student, these well-meaning programs can be a tremendously disempowering experience. Individual needs can get lost in a sea of bureaucracy and paperwork, and are often not addressed in meaningful ways. The system is not designed to give students all the tools needed to take charge of their lives and truly live independently.

Not surprisingly, in the United States only 53% of students with disabilities have completed a degree or vocational program, as opposed to 64% of their nondisabled peers (Cole, pg. 2). Students with disabilities don’t finish for many reasons, including lack of educational programs, not having access to funding, problems with coordinating support services like personal care attendants (PCAs) and medical care, unexpected medical complications, geographical access barriers like snow or long commutes, and physical access barriers like inaccessible classrooms or student housing.

We have put together a list of helpful tips for navigating the confusing landscape of college life. These tips are taken from our own experiences, as women with various disabilities, and should in no way be taken to represent all access needs. Eva attended a small, liberal arts college in Los Angeles. She uses a wheelchair to get around and speaks with a letter board since she is non-verbal. Hannah is currently a third-year college student in Seattle studying journalism. She uses a power chair most of the time and lives on campus. Julie is a master’s degree student studying music, and utilizes Braille and readers.

Balancing Academics and Practical Needs

Managing practical needs (such as personal care or navigating between classes) is critical to succeeding in college, so it is important to know what supports and accommodations are available. It is important to remember that every situation is a little different, depending on your personal needs and the college you choose. The quotes below relate each of our personal experiences.

Coordinating Disability Services

The vast majority of post-secondary schools (in the United States and other countries) have a disability services office that is suppose to coordinate all of the support services and accommodations needed by students to be successful. However, the responsiveness of the staff and quality of the services provided in each disability services office varies widely. We had very different experiences:

“My college’s disability services person was god awful. All my professors trusted me, so when I needed more time for tests, I just took the test in the cafeteria. I also couldn’t stay in the same room since my aide voiced what I’d be spelling out on my letter board and therefore, giving everyone my answers. My professors knew I wouldn’t cheat or copy the test for others. When I was done, I would just drop it off in their office. If I had used disability services, it would have been tons of unnecessary paperwork and time for each test. When I started each semester, I would email my professors and introduce myself. I would briefly explain cerebral palsy and that I would have an aide accompany me to class. I would also troubleshoot any potential issues. For example, my Human Anatomy class did a lot of work handling model bones. I can’t use my hands so instead, my professor would explain where certain bones are in my body. When I took painting, my professor was worried at first about how I would participate. But with an explanation and one or two classes, she quickly got it and I became one of her favorite students.” — Eva

“I choose to meet with each of my professors that I don’t already know before the quarter starts to go over my accommodations. Although I do use disability services, I don’t always use the accommodations for every class, I am able to customize them for what classes I need. Usually, a face-to-face meeting will help offset any anxiety that a professor might have. Because I use dictation software to write most of my papers and tests, I have a similar situation that I can’t be in the class with all of the other students, so sometimes I have to work this out, depending on what the test entails.” — Hannah

“I have always used disability services. Since I don’t have the time or energy to scan my books into accessible formats, I find them useful for this purpose. I have also worked with them to get Braille, which is very important to me. Since the college is obligated to pay for Braille, I prefer to go through them rather than trying to pay for it on my own. I try not to take tests through Disability Services though. It is much easier to arrange to take a test with a reader in a professor’s office or just take the test with the rest of the class.” — Julie

Continue Reading Going to College with a Disability

How GimpGirl Works

How do we function as an organization? People often ask about our somewhat unique way of getting things done. GimpGirl Community has been around for almost 16 years now, but because we often operate behind closed doors most people don’t understand how this community works from an “administrative” level.

We are a relatively well-known group in certain circles, and the prevailing stereotype of relatively well-known groups such as ours is that of a well-funded, corporate nonprofit with a full staff who often presumes to know more about the people they serve than the people themselves. I promise you we are none of those things.

Financial Survival

GimpGirl has never been — and never will be — a well-funded corporate nonprofit. We have never been the recipient of any grant, and we do not have a regular source of funding aside from occasional member donations that cover the cost of incidentals like travel and computer equipment. We have always relied on “in-kind” donations of services from supporters (mostly friends of those within our “staff” circle) and individual members. They donate technical services such as server maintenance and computer repair, and various professional services such as editing articles and consulting on the best way to create healthy environments. We also partner with other organizations on services like web servers in order to save money.

Aside from our beginnings as part of a very small nonprofit (which is now defunct), and a brief partnership with another very small nonprofit, we have never been independently registered as a nonprofit. One of the main benefits of being a registered nonprofit is the ability to apply for grants and various other funding. For some organizations, a reliable money stream is essential to carrying out services. However, going down that path also means that a large percentage of human resources must be redirected to continually seeking new and better funding sources.

The U.S. 501(c)(3) nonprofit corporate structure comes with legal requirements, as well as additional provisions required by funding sources – stipulations we are not willing to accept. As women with disabilities, our lives are often subject to the whims of medical and bureaucratic institutions. Our members sometimes deal with homelessness, neglect, abandonment in life-threatening situations, and physical, sexual and emotional abuse. The organizations and bureaucracies that are in place to deal with these situations are often not set up to handle disability needs. As a collective, we have the flexibility to help our members deal with these situations in ways that we would not be able to if we incorporated as a nonprofit.

Human Resources

Even though GimpGirl technically has an internal hierarchy, we often function more like a democratic collective. The hierarchy was established to create a structure to deal with potential conflicts, and to centralize individuals who have clearance to speak for our community and coordinate volunteer efforts. Because we are a community by and for women with disabilities, it is highly beneficial to have a flexible structure that allows individuals to contribute in a way that works for them. Our volunteers not only deal with the barriers that the bureaucracy around disability causes, but they also deal with the complications that many adults deal with – jobs, children, family, relationships.

There are times when we refer to the contributors as “staff,” but we have never paid anyone any amount of money to work for this community. All “staff” hours are donated by individuals, including those who officially have titles such as myself. Our core volunteers also often collaborate with other organizations on projects related to women with disabilities and technology, but they generally do not receive monetary compensation for their efforts even when the project is funded. Volunteers are invited to conferences around the world to represent our community and to talk about the issues we confront, and when we are lucky the organizers pay for travel and accommodations. We are all volunteers working towards a common goal – not because we are paid, but because we are passionate.

Member Participation

The real magic in what we do happens when we bring members together. The women with disabilities that facilitate and participate in this community work together to create the space that makes everything that we do possible. Many members have never had the opportunity to talk to other women with disabilities because of barriers or a lack of people in the local community. A kind of natural co-mentorship forms when you bring people together who understand the lived experience of each other. Our members come from all over the world, and represent a wide variety of different backgrounds and levels of experience. They also have a wide range of disabilities.

Young students come to us struggling with the complications that come with being successful in college to speak to older professionals who have been where they are. Individuals in abusive situations at home come to us to speak with women who have made the transition to their own environment. Women who are pregnant come to speak with other mothers who understand how society treats mothers with disabilities. People simply wondering how to get from here to there to accomplish something they want to accomplish come to ask about accessible transportation. We all have some story or learned lesson that we can share that is meaningful to others.

Involving a wide range of women with disabilities also helps ensure that our community stays accessible to a wide range of people. Our contributors strive to create online spaces that are inclusive to all of our members, because our members make us who we are. Additionally, contributors are all people with disabilities who have their own needs. Instead of thinking about accessibility as a vague idea or a checklist, we think about accessibility as a constantly evolving collective responsibility to work together to make sure everyone can participate. We are successful because we work together with inclusivity in mind from the beginning.

Other Resources

If you have access to an academic library and would like more information about how this community functions, please check out our article in New Media and Society entitled GimpGirl grows up: Women with disabilities rethinking, redefining, and reclaiming community. Everyone can access additional information about this community on this website under the About Us tab, as well as in the numerous articles found here.

Community Liaison Katherine Mancuso and I will also be discussing how our community works today – January 27, 2014 at 6pm Pacific — at the online event Leading Accessible Online Communities. It is open to everyone!

 

— Jennifer Cole, Director, GimpGirl Community

 

Happy Holidays!

 

There have been a lot of big changes behind the scenes at GimpGirl in 2013, but the people who make up our amazing community – you – are still as wonderful as ever. We make connections, we educate, we share stories and successes and failures, and we grow what we are capable of together. As women with disabilities, all the things that we do together to create community benefits us all, and we are all endlessly grateful for it.

A screenshot of GimpGirl Community's new Second Life parcel(GimpGirl Community’s new Second Life space. (2013). Jennifer Cole.)

We were unable to do a holiday party this year due to technical issues, which we hope to have sorted out by our 16th anniversary in February. Stay tuned!

2013 In Review

We have posted many amazing articles this year, including Domestic Violence Support for Women with Disabilities, Hiring Aides, and When to Say Goodbye to an Aide.

We have also updated our blog roll of amazing blogs by women with disabilities, which you should definitely check out if you haven’t already!

One of our volunteers, Kaitlin Thompson, represented us at the Dare to Dream Conference (see video from her presentation).

We started working collaboratively with Baylor College of Medicine’s Center for Research on Women with Disabilities, and resumed our weekly meetings after a brief hiatus over the summer.

… And there is much more to come in 2014!

 

Have a great holiday, and remember we are still active on Facebook and Twitter even though we are taking a break from weekly meetings until after the new year!

Do you have any favorite stories to share from 2013? Feel free to comment below!

When to Say Goodbye to an Aide

 

In a previous article, we talked about how to find and hire an aide. Now, we’re going to discuss when and how to end that relationship when it has reached a natural conclusion. Knowing when to end a good working relationship can be tricky.

Being an aide should be really fun — and professional — for both you and your employee. However, there is an arc that most working relationships follow. If you hire people who are right out of college, they will inevitably want to leave to pursue their careers. Even aides who have been in the industry may need to move on for various reasons.

If they are having a good time at work and have a steady job, an aide may not know how to voice their desires to leave. Here are some changes to watch for that may indicate an aide needs to move on:

Lack of Energy. Everyone has days where they feel tired, but if your aide starts coming to work on a regular basis without enough energy or zest for the job, it could be a sign that its time to move on. This is especially true if he or she had a lot of energy and then suddenly doesn’t.
Moodiness. If your aide suddenly gets annoyed at little things, it’s a sign that they are not happy at the job.
Calling Out Sick More. Again, everyone gets sick once in awhile. If your helper starts calling in a lot (especially with no particular health reason), that is not a good sign.

How do you address this? It’s not fair (especially if you and your aide have had a good working relationship) to fire her or him without discussing your concerns. Your employee might have a legitimate reason for his or her change in attitude that is unrelated to your working relationship.

Here’s an example of a conversation you might have with your aide to voice your concerns:

You: Hey, so I want to talk about our working relationship. I have noticed you might not be as into the job.
Aide: What do you mean?
You: I have noticed your energy at work has not been as much as it previously was. I don’t know if you are having extra stress outside of work or something, but I just wanted to bring it to your attention.
Aide: Yeah, I’m a little more stressed. I’ll make sure it doesn’t bleed into my work now. Thanks for bringing it up.

It’s up to you if you want to give them another chance. If you enjoy the working relationship, its worth giving him or her a week or two to see if he or she improves, especially after you voice your concern. If he or she doesn’t improve (or only improves for a few days), its time to part ways.

Here are a few tips for how to bring up that you need to part ways:

Be Honest! Explain what you are seeing and how you think it shows that he or she needs to move on.
Use “I” Statements. This sounds cliché, but people will listen to your concerns better if you don’t say “you are.” Observations are better phrased starting with “I feel” sentiments such as: “I feel like our working relationship has changed.” This helps avoid hurt feelings and keep the conversation professional.
Use Email (if possible). That way, you can get everything out without being interrupted. Once your aide reads and digests the email, you two can have a discussion.
Remember, It’s Ultimately Your Decision. If you still feel like its time for her or him to move on, say it! You are the boss, and if you feel like the job is not being done correctly, you should fix it.
Share Positive Feedback. Be sure to praise her or him for the history of good work and assure him or her that it’s not personal. People might feel you just don’t enjoy spending time with them anymore and you should emphasize that is not the case.

Here’s an example of a conversation you might have when you have to let him or her go:

You: So I know I gave you two more weeks to improve your work performance, but I feel its time to part ways. I feel that this job is not the right fit for you anymore. I really enjoyed working with you and I think you are an awesome person. I will of course give you a glowing recommendation for your future employers. This is not personal and I really thank you for all the work you have done.
Aide: I’m sorry to hear that, but I understand. Do you want me to help you transition to a new aide?
You: That would be awesome, thanks!

(Note: Not all conversations will go as smoothly, so be aware of that)

If you do let them go, you should be prepared if he or she doesn’t want to help you transition to a new aide. Firing can be hard to take, especially when you have to work so closely with your boss, so have a back-up plan for help so you don’t get stranded. Hopefully, your aide will understand and help you transition to a new one.

Also, be sure to mention that you would provide references for them and how awesome they have been. These kinds of conversation are inherently awkward and uncomfortable, but it gets easier the more you do it.

Do you have any other suggestions on when and how to say goodbye to an aide? Feel free to comment below!

We are back!

 

Okay, we never really went anywhere. Our Facebook group continues to be incredibly active, and you can always find us on Twitter. However, we did take a much lengthier than expected break from our weekly support group meetings over the summer as we transitioned from our previous site on Second Life.

CROWD LogoThanks to the Baylor College of Medicine’s Center for Research on Women with Disabilities (CROWD), we now have a brand-new space to hold meetings on Second Life. CROWD is run by women with disabilities, and one of their many projects utilizes the Second Life platform to develop and carry out health promotion interventions for women with disabilities. It is a match made in heaven!

We have had many requests over our break for our meetings to continue, and we are happy to say that the wait is over! On November 3, 2013, at 1 PM Pacific, we will be holding our first support group meeting at our new location on Second Life. This meeting is for women with disabilities only. We encourage everyone to show up early to make sure that you can access the new location.

As always, if you don’t choose to (or can’t) use Second Life for whatever reason, you can always join us on our chat room. It is an IRC channel that can be accessed from our website, or by using mIRC or many other free IRC clients. The details can be found on the Chat Room page if you prefer to connect using another client.

We will be having events for the general public in the future, so stay tuned. We encourage everyone to subscribe to our Google calendar, or join one of our other communities to get notices about future events.

Have questions about how to connect? Comment below, or connect with us on any of our communities!

Hiring Aides

by Eva Sweeney and GimpGirl Community

Regardless of how many hours you need, finding an aide can be daunting. Aides, personal care assistants, carers and helpers are all titles for people you hire to help you. Some of us just need help getting up in the morning and getting in bed at night. Some of us need twenty-four hour assistance.

In a previous article, we discussed balancing relationships and aides. You need to find someone who can do all the tasks you need, but also respect you. You need to be comfortable with this person in your home. However, getting started on the hiring process can be overwhelming to beginners.

Here’s a list of tips to help you find a good aide:

  • If you’re putting an ad on Craigslist, in your local paper or with local college job boards, consider not only writing what the job entails, but also include a little bit about yourself. This lets people know a little bit about who you are, and if your personality will match. Have people email you rather than call– what they write will tell you a lot. If they just write “I need a job” then you know they’re not particularly interested in working for you. Likewise, if they tell you their whole life story, you should probably avoid interviewing them.

  • Sometimes less experience is better! If you feel confident training someone on how to do tasks, you might consider hiring someone with zero experience. People who have done this work before often have preconceived notions about how to do certain tasks or how to act. You don’t have to “retrain” people who haven’t done the job before.

  • When people email you and sound like a possible candidate, you might want to send them a list of pre-interview questions to answer. Such questions can be, “What about this job appeals to you?” and “Do you have any back problems?” Having this pre-interview definitely weeds out people who won’t be a good fit– and saves you time and energy.

  • Interview, interview, interview! (And interview in-person!) You might consider having another person with you while you interview. This helps you get a second opinion on the interviewee. Even if you work through an agency, it is your right to interview a person before saying yes to them.  You might have to explain to your agency why you would like to interview people before you say yes.  But if you do it in a calm, rational manner agencies are likely to understand.

  • Have a list of questions ready. Questions can range from “Can you lift and do personal care?” to “What are your hobbies?” Preparing questions beforehand makes the interview go smoothly. Asking a potential employee about hobbies might seem weird, but it’s a good way to see what their personality is like and if  they’re a good fit for you.

  • Ask what questions the person may have. If they ask about pay and nothing else, it’s probably not a good sign. If they ask about you or the duties of the job, it shows they’re thinking seriously about the job.

  • Watch them! If they don’t look directly at you or they seem uncomfortable, it’s probably not a good fit. But remember interviews are nerve-wracking, so the person might be a little nervous.  Try to casually talk with the person to see if they open up and relax a little.

  • Outline in detail the duties of the job. This ensures you and the person that you are interviewing that you are both on the same page about what the job entails. Ask if they’re uncomfortable with any aspect of the job.  If so, try to alleviate their concerns.

  • Suggest the person take a day to see if they really want this job. Most people are excited in the interview, but they don’t take the time to consider if they are really fit for the job. This cuts down on people starting work and then later realizing they are not up for it and then leaving.

  • Consider a time commitment. It is reasonable to ask people to stay for 3, 6, or 12 months. This cuts down on the turnaround that is common in these jobs.

  • Possibly do a second interview where you and the person just chat and get to know each other. This shows if you two get along or if they annoy you. If the latter happens it’s probably not wise to hire them.

  • Consider making the first month a trial period for both of you. That way if you don’t find your personalities meshing well, or your new hire doesn’t feel comfortable with any of the tasks, you both can say, “It’s not working out” without feeling like you’re breaking the time commitment.

  • Think about writing a training manual for your new hires. Describe in detail how you would like each task to be performed. When you hire someone, you can email them the manual but remember to say that they don’t have to memorize it.

  • If possible, have one of your past aides help you train your new one. Explaining things in words is great, but having someone show them what to do makes everything go more smoothly. Also for things like lifting, you probably have a limited understanding since you haven’t lifted yourself.

Here is an example of a job posting for hiring an aide:


Title: Live-in Secondary Caregiver (Independent Provider)

Start Date: June 15, 2012

Length of Job: Summer/2.5 Months (approximately)

Wage/Compensation: $XXXX/month (approximately, can vary) + free rent (furnished room) [Note: This could include anything given in exchange for aide services.]

Job Contact: First Name, Email Address

Requirements:

  • I am a relatively quiet, involved, intellectual woman with a physical disability who is highly involved in various community projects. I am also a cultural anthropology student. I will treat you as a capable, equal human being and I expect the same treatment in return. As we will be both working and living together for a period of time, we will need to have compatible personalities. I encourage you to share your unique personality with me in every contact, as it is more important to me than anything else in the hiring process for this particular position.

  • You must be registered as an independent provider through the State of XXXX prior to the start date, and follow-up with required state training sessions in order to get paid. This process can be started after the interview process and should not take long. The process requires a background check, legal identification and authorization to work in the United States. [Note: Licensing requirements differ in different states and countries. If you rely on government funding, be sure to educate yourself on what local process an aide may need to go through in order to get paid.]

  • No other training or experience is required other than the ability (physical and otherwise) and willingness to learn basic caregiving duties.

  • Any gender is welcome to apply.

  • References are required and will be checked.

  • Valid drivers license is preferable, though not explicitly required.

Job Duties:

  • You will be responsible for relatively light caregiving duties on nights and weekends for the duration of the job. Duties generally include: occasional cooking, feeding, and toileting; bedtime routine; overnight monitoring in case of emergency.

  • Even though I am an extremely busy woman, I enjoy getting out of the house every now and then to have fun on the weekends. On these occasions, you would be responsible for getting me dressed and accompanying me on the trip. If you have a valid drivers license, you would be driving my wheelchair accessible minivan.

  • You will also be responsible for emergency backup duties if the regular daytime caregiver is unable to carry out their duties. The regular daytime caregiver is through an agency, so backup duties should be relatively rare as the agency is responsible for finding coverage for those hours.

Note:

Hours and responsibilities are somewhat negotiable, depending on our compatibility and your availability. Even though you would be hired as a live-in caregiver, there are generally long periods of time (up to 4 hours or more at a time during the day) when I will not actively need your help. This would be the perfect situation for someone who needs to take summer classes, or has an internship or day job during the week. Hours can be slightly adjusted to accommodate such schedules, and you will have plenty of time to study or meet friends for a meal in between duties. Any adjustments may affect your compensation.


Even if you have lots of experience, hiring an aide is always a gamble. Some working relationships work out wonderfully, and others don’t. Learning to manage aides is a process, and we all have negative experiences along the way. Hopefully these tips will guide you through getting started on the process.

Lets hear from you! Do you have any have any great tips on how to hire an aide or an experience you’d like to share?

GimpGirl Moves to a New Sim

GimpGirl Community’s current Second Life sim will be closing as of May 11, 2013. In June, we will have a new Second Life space set up and will notify everyone when it opens! Until then, we will be taking a break after May 11 from regular scheduled meetings, so our last meeting for a few weeks will be the Hang Out Hour on May 8. We will announce the next meeting as we get closer to opening our new space on Second Life. In the meantime, you can get involved on Facebook and Twitter, or reach us on our website contact form.

A reminder to all current vendors and tenants: Our current Second Life sim will be completely shutting down as of May 11. Don’t wait until the last minute to save all of your objects! If you have anything on our parcel that is irreplaceable, please take it into your inventory as soon as possible. All vendor spaces and apartments will completely disappear on or around May 11. Please let us know if you have any questions or concerns that we can assist you with.